So typically, O readers, on a Why Do I Work Here Wednesday, I would be typing up a firebreathing post about how rotten this job is and how frustrated it makes me. But today I'm feeling different. Sadly, in this case, different does not mean better. With your permission, I'm going to try and use this post to figure out what it does mean.
One of the first things it means is sick. I'm a tad lightheaded at the moment, and my head is also rather painful. I'm looking at my screen through sunglasses. It's all stress, I know it's all stress, but what kind of advice do I get from well-meaning people? "Oh, you can't let it get to you. You can't let it do that to you." Really, now. That's fascinating, that you have that kind of power over me, to tell me what I can and can't do. Do tell me more about myself.
The fact is, I'm burned out. I am tending to the needs of well over 100 employees, both full-time and contractors, and I have no backup. There is no one to take over my work if I'm sick or I use a vacation day. Quite honestly, if my one currently planned vacation wasn't already paid for, I'd be lobbying to cancel it, because the pretty hotel and the family fun pack won't be nearly so much fun when I'm busy fretting over the pile of unanswered emails growing steadily higher in my inbox.
When I do get back to the office and tackle that pile of emails, I can pretty much guarantee that I won't have the tools I need to do my job right. Half the systems I try to use every day are badly broken, all are labor-intensive, and they change with only a few days' notice, if that. We receive no training and neither do the people fulfilling the requests. And then the managers want to know why everything takes so long.
Add to that, my department is all but out of desk space. I have visitors popping up every day wanting desks, contractors spilling out of their assigned space, new hires every couple weeks...we have interns coming in June and I honestly don't know where I'm going to put them, and managers, contractors, HR recruiters are demanding more and more conference rooms for longer and longer periods, for interviews, for meetings, for semi-permanent seating...
You know what? I've said all this before, O readers, and I bet you're tired of hearing it. Well, I'm kind of tired of saying it. And I know it's going to improve some in September, when a new building opens up and we have lots of new space to work with. But the fact remains that right now, and through the spring and summer, I've got 99 problems and my coworkers are them!
So I did have a bit of firebreathing in me after all. But what I am mostly at the moment is tired. That's what makes today different, O readers, and that's why there isn't going to be an update for another couple days. I'm worn out, and I simply can't see any way of recovering my balance in the near future. Still, your sympathy, your friendship, your kindness, does help, as much as anything can right now. So thanks for sticking with me.
Fiction should still be forthcoming on Friday, and who knows? Maybe I'll even eke out a fan fiction chapter before then. Stranger things have happened. Thanks again, and see you then.