Welcome to Why Do I Work Here Wednesday, O readers, back in its normal slot on, well, Wednesday! It has been a more than usually interesting week already and we're not even halfway done, but thanks to tea, patience, writing, a hearty sense of humor, and a lot of early training with children and animals, I'm fighting my way through.
Today's topic is what Glass Bathroom Bank calls "onboarding", which is a fancy term for getting newly hired employees their computers, software, access, etc. I am a trained New Employee Coordinator (everybody say "ooh") who has access to all the New Employee Orientation systems (everybody say "aah"), but lately, those systems have begun to change.
Now, I'm just a simple secretary (yes, yes, administrative assistant, call it what you like, that doesn't change what it is), but here's what doesn't make sense to me. If you have a computer program at your company which is universally disliked by everyone who uses it, which breaks a lot and delivers very poor results when it isn't broken, wouldn't you think the proper response is to either fix or replace that program? So would I, but not here at Glass Bathroom, nosirree! At Glass Bathroom, we're changing more of our day-to-day processes to depend on that very same program!
Just for fun, let's call this program Energysnap. Now I can see a lot of potential in Energysnap. It's going to be pretty good when all the bugs are worked out of it. Trouble is, they rushed it into production without working out most of those bugs, and they didn't train anybody on it, on either side of the line. It's filled with complicated forms, most of which don't come with very good instructions, and the instructions we do get are often contradictory or, well, downright wrong.
And yet, now, along with ordering all computers, software, phones, and accesses through Energysnap, I'm expected to use it to do my onboarding. That is, to put in a great big mass order for someone who's about to be hired, so that they have as much of what they'll need on their first day as possible. I'm a good little administrative assistant, so I went ahead and filled out my first Energysnap onboarding request yesterday, going through all the steps, and sure enough, into my inbox comes a confirmation email. Here's a bit of it:
Please note the link at the bottom, which opens up a handy new email to "employee.on-boarding" at glassbathroom dot com, all that jazz. Note also the hyphen in this email address. Small, yet mighty, that hyphen. It has the power to generate a very scary "DELIVERY FAILURE: This user not listed in directory" bounceback!
You see, the correct email to contact the onboarding team does not contain a hyphen. It is just "employee.onboarding", blah, blah, blah. Fortunately, I've been around Glass Bathroom a while and knew where to check that, so I got my email to the correct address on my second try. Still, it irked me that it was incorrect in an official communication, so I sent another email to one of the administrators for the program, pointing out that there was a hyphen where there shouldn't be a hyphen.
The response I got: "We have not had anyone tell us that the email was wrong. We corrected that in production before we went live." Okay, so you corrected it in production. And I, who was never near the production phases of this project, just HAPPEN to have pulled out of thin air (with my psychic psecretary powers, obviously) this problem which you claim is corrected? And now I'm making this up just to harass you? Grrrrrr.
Fortunately, forwarding on the email with the incorrect link changed the administrator's tune. Thanks were forthcoming, along with a promise to "hunt down" the wrong email address. If they need a dog for that, I've got a couple I could lend them, though the puppy might think it's a fortune from a cookie and try to eat it when he finds it...
Ah well. Such is life. Thanks for reading, all, and I will see you on Fiction Friday! I do have one final thing to say, but it's mostly addressed to an anonymous reviewer who chose to leave a comment on my current fanfic project, For Your Own Good, last night. If you don't want to read that, feel free to sign off now. Cheers.
Dear Mr./Ms. Guest: You are correct that FYOG is a Dangerverse/dreamworld remix. I intended it to be such, and said so in the author's note before my first chapter. I am sorry that it feels to you like a past-its-prime TV show, and that you think I am milking this cow to death. Maybe I am, but I'm doing it for a reason.
You see, believe it or not, I'm as human as you are. I have feelings and failings, and right now, my feelings are my failings. I'm having some serious confidence issues at the moment, and I'm not finding a lot of joy in life. So I'm writing something that I find enjoyable, something well within my comfort zone, to work out the kinks and try to get back on track to write those new things you want so much. Until today, it was even working. Now? I'm not so sure.
As I also said in my author's note before the first chapter of FYOG, if it stops being enjoyable to you, you are entirely free and even encouraged to stop reading. If someone is forcing you to go on reading, please, send me their name and address. I'll dispatch the big dog and the puppy to love them to death immediately. Thank you, and please do have a nice day.