Anne B. Walsh - Do you believe in magic?
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Anne's Randomness

Turn left at the diplodocus

From certain angles, such as from the nearest bus stop, directions to the main Carnegie Library branch in Oakland (the suburb where the University of Pittsburgh and Carnegie-Mellon University are located) do indeed include the title of this post. Why no, I haven't spent a great deal of time in this city locating books to read, not at all... 

As you may have been able to guess, today's blog post will be another Random Ramble, because my brain, just at the moment, prefers fanfic to originals very strongly. I suspect this is because fanfic "pays" better in terms of gratification, though at the moment nothing is "paying" particularly well. Everyone seems very busy elsewhere.

It could also be that fanfic is safe. The worst thing that happens when I write it is that I get either unpleasant reviews, "like it write more soon" reviews, or no reviews at all. With originals, I can keep an eye on my sales in more or less real time (at least on Amazon), and thus I know exactly how many people are reading my work, or aren't.

And this is turning into a self-pitying ramble, which is what I didn't want to do, but this day is already so up and down that there's no telling what's next. For instance, the car got stuck in the driveway before Brando's puppy class, and I fell on the ice and shook myself up trying to get it out, while Krystal twisted her wrist pretty painfully. 

I want, so much, to be able to escape into a story for a while. To get away from the mounds of clutter and undone chores, and the dogs who chew and bite and dig at everything in the house except their toys, and the job that used to be simple and pleasant but now apparently calls for problem-solving on the level of mind-reading.

Unfortunately, when life is this frustrating, it saps my energy to the point where I can neither find a new world to Chronicle nor can I continue Chronicling one I've already started, because my apathy overwhelms me before I can even start. What's the point, it asks, when barely a handful of people will ever see it and most of them don't care? 

I know that's very unfair to you, O readers. You do care, and a lot of you show that you care often and loudly. But it feels like that same diplodocus which stands outside the library is instead sitting on my shoulders, and what's the point in fighting for your dreams when you're so exhausted by simple daily living that you can barely breathe? 

So... yeah. Not my best day ever. Sorry to ramble at you about it. I'll try to be more cheerful tomorrow, for my usual Surpassing Sunday report. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review my latest chapters. You help more than I know how to say. Now if I just knew where to find some tasty ferns... the diplodocus loves ferns!

3 Comments to Turn left at the diplodocus:

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Emily on Saturday, February 15, 2014 5:54 PM
Remember: Depression LIES. Keep fighting and remember you have hundreds if not thousands of fans who love you and your writing.
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Anne on Sunday, February 16, 2014 3:42 PM
Depression? Really? Nothing nearly so fancy. Just a bad day, or month rather. Thanks for thinking of it, though. (Plus, depression may lie but numbers don't.)


Haminac on Monday, February 17, 2014 5:05 PM
Numbers don't lie, you say? Don't trust any statistics that you didn't forge yourself, I say. I know days when apathy gets the better of you. Maybe small steps? A hot chocolate here, a warm blanket there? Whatever you do, I hope it helps you. I can understand how Emily thinks of depression because it's not so easy to distinguish when in written form. I don't have anything more intelligent to write, so I'll quit and wish you a better day tomorrow :]
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